Various Topics on General

..ebbi..

I did some research on the week end and "they" pretty much said what you
said. Today he was his normal happy self, could not wait to run off and
play. Dad told me that he did not understand what was going on but that if
there were any problems to phone him straight away. It was a weird day with
us being sad and the child so normal and happy. I am expecting some changes
down the road and will deal with them as they happen. Right now I just want
to keep everything as normal as possible for him. Thanks for all the advice
and help.

Debbie.

"hazelew" <hazelew@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:sckJa.8556$xF.449584@newsfep2-win.server.ntli.net...
> > When the child returns, you will do best to go on with routines as
> > usual. Preschool children don't understand the concept of death, let
> > alone respond to it.
> > There may be some separation anziety , due to the confusion of the
> > previos events (funeral, family mourning etc.). Just have a staff member
> > be available to comfort the child and spend some one on one if need be.
> > I think you will find the child (not sure of age here?), will go about
> > his/her day as usual. I've seen it happen on numerous occ***ions, and it
> > is often the adults who are far more upset than the child. The problems'
> > often arrise much further down the road at an older age.
> > This is just based on my own experiences .
> > Let us know how it goes.
> >
> > Colleen-
> Hi Debbie
> So sad to hear this news.
> I agree with the advice Colleen has given and would agree that you should
> take the lead from the children.
> They maybe very confused about where their mum has gone and the
information
> they have or haven't been given by their family. They may believe their
mum
> has gone away because of something they have done or they haven't done. If
> they express this. Please re***ure them that this is not the case.
Re***ure
> them how much their mum loved them and tell them that sometimes mummy's
have
> to go even though they don't want to.
> If possible it would be a good idea to find out what they have been told
by
> their family.
> If heaven has been discussed, they might like to discuss this or draw or
> paint mum in a lovely garden where she can keep an eye on them and where
> they will meet her one day.
>
> We had a very interesting discussed some years ago with a group of 3 year
> olds about loved ones who were now in heaven meeting and having a lovely
tea
> party. We started making up a story as a group, each child adding a little
a
> child who had recently lost her Grandma brought her Grandma into the story
> in heaven and I suggested she would be having a lovely time whilst keeping
> an eye on her grand daughter and that she would perhaps meet our lost love
> ones. Other children added their lost bunny or cat etc to the tale and we
> imagined all the lovely treats that they would be eating etc. The settings
> leader came over and after listening for a moment told the child that her
> Grandmother had recently gone to heaven, perhaps she could meet the
child's
> Grandma for a nice cup of tea and a chat.
> The child said " Your Grandma's gone to heaven and my Grandma's in
heaven."
> The adult nodded. The child thought about it for a moment and said "Well
you
> cheeky bugger!" The adults laughed and the children joined in and then
went
> off to play.
>
> The changes in their routine at home may upset them as will their families
> distress.
> Their behaviour may reflect this. Try to keep to routine as much as
> possible, including expecting them to keep the important rules like not
> hurting other children. They need to know that something are still the
same.
> Say "I know that you are angry but please don't hurt Billy, come and tell
me
> about what you are angry about instead" etc.
> Let them paint or draw pictures about how they feel and play with sand and
> dough that they can pummel and hit and poke to help relieve any aggression
> they feel.
> One to one time with a book could allow a cuddle if they seem to need it.
>
> I have heard of children making a special box of memories to help them
deal
> with the loss of a close relation. The child decides what should go into
the
> box, nothing is wrong it could be a painting they make for the person or a
> stone from the garden they tended. A story they read, ribbon they wore or
a
> s**** of material again from something they wore. It can include
photographs
> etc. The child can then take down the box that they might decorate up,
> whenever they want to be close to that person. They can talk about that
> person and about what that person meant to them, what they would like to
> tell that person etc.
> This is a memento for the child to keep, to hold onto although the person
is
> no longer here they have something that means that person to them to keep
> forever.
>
> I hope that this helps a little. I would also agree that an expert opinion
> could only help.
>
> Ps It's okay if the child expresses sadness to say that it has made you
sad
> too!
>
> Hugs to you all.
>
> Hazel
>
>